Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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