I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if only i could text you this smell
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Randomize
