sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
