We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
