He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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