wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
