I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
