period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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