My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
