So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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