Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
