What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
