I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
