Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
