People in love make me want to vomit
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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