We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
