So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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