You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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