Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
