She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize