Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
