is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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