I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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