i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
