i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How does one acquire holy water?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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