You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
