They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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