She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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