Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
