I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
