hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
