K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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