I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
