Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
