I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
