Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
