When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
