Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
