So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
