I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The adults are the big ones right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
