I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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