I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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