Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
