i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
