I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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