haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
