so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
