she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
