Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
