But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
