had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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