i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
