I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
