Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
