I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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