I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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