I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
