Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
