if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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