Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
