I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
