I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
