His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
