you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
