dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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