This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
